Holidaze

Drinking my way through the holidays seems to have always been the norm for me. So much so, that I have been a bit nervous about what a more present holiday season would feel like. For as long as I can remember, I’d go out at every opportunity from Halloween to New Year’s and get absolutely smashed. As I’ve said before: PROBLEMATIC.

The past few years I’ve been very selective about which family gatherings I choose to attend. Thanksgiving I’d typically spend with friends and attend Christmas to do the family gift exchange. Given the history of razzing, poking fun at others’ expense and endless comments on someone’s weight gain/loss or what they’re eating or not eating, I find it hard to quell my anxiety around family gatherings. It’s still a few days before Christmas, and this morning I found myself so agitated at the smallest things I was on the verge of tears three different times before 10am. I feel like my psyche is either breaking down in anticipation of this weekend…or trying to bolster me.

In years’ past, I’d typically ride with my mom to wherever the holiday was hosted. For a while, we had a routine of me meeting here somewhere off the I-10 and hopping in with her (always made me nervous to leave my car somewhere and never fully made sense to me). When I broke my foot a few years ago, I couldn’t drive with the boot on, so she drove us and I was at the mercy of her timeframe. The tables have turned, so to speak, and now that she doesn’t have a car, she depends on a ride…but that hasn’t changed to her being at the mercy of my timeframe. Last year it took me over an hour to get this woman in the car. Moms and socializing, am I right? This year, I decided to take a different approach. The week of Thanksgiving I offered for her to ride with me but encouraged her to stay there for the weekend. Knowing I was driving back by myself, I felt a lot less tense. It worked out pretty well on the first run, so here’s hoping Christmas goes just as smoothly. I’ve already spoken to her about making her transportation arrangements, so she may only be riding back with me (the hardest time to wrangle her) …my hopes aren’t high, but I guess we’ll see how it goes.

UPDATE 1/11/23:

I wanted to come back and give an update on how it all turned out. The weekend of Christmas, I spent a lot of time with a lot of people. Friday was spent with friends, cute pups and lots of laughs and wine. Saturday, Christmas Eve, I went to my Aunt Vicki’s house in Buckeye for a small gathering, as my cousin’s wife was making pozole. My aunt warned me that morning that she’d been sick and was finishing her 3rd round of antibiotics. I decided that since she’d been taking antibiotics consistently, I should be fine. Had a great time there, loaded up my mom’s crap into my car and was home by 9:30. Sunday was Christmas Day and my brother and sister-in-law were hosting. I got there around 12:30, which was early for me compared to past holidays. It was nice to get there before the masses and definitely helped with the typical overwhelm of the ever-growing crowd.

I was taking my mom home that night, which is why I loaded her stuff into my car the night before, and I can’t even tell you how obnoxious the amount of stuff she had was. My entire car was full of her stuff. I had to FIND a small spot for the few gifts I received, as there was not much room left. It was like she was moving somewhere! I took a video to show a friend that I was not being dramatic about how jam-packed my car was. It was so bad that my back hatch would not close properly and caused me to have a mild panic attack thinking something was wrong with my car when the interior lights didn’t dim and the remote wouldn’t beep when I locked it. It wasn’t until we left and the car dinged that a door was open. I got out, lightly smashed the back hatch closed and bingo…that was my problem. We finally made it to my mom’s just before 10pm and unloaded everything. I was relieved when I got home and the lights and remote lock were in perfect working order. Overall, I had a lot more patience than I anticipated, so I’d call it a success.

That is, until Monday evening when I started to feel a little under the weather. 🙄 I woke up Tuesday feeling like absolute poo. My regimen quickly became Zyrtec-D (seems to work better at keeping my sinuses open than OTC cold meds), ibuprofen for the headache, tons of water and edibles to send me into all the naps I needed. Luckily, our office closes the week between Christmas and New Year’s Day every year, so I didn’t have to use (waste) any sick or vacation time. But dammit, I had some fun things I wanted to do with that free week! Instead, I was posted up on my sofa all the way through the end of 2022. C’est la vie, I suppose. It could’ve been worse.

I finally started feeling human again by the end of the week and even washed my hair on NYE because I didn’t want to go into the new year with dirty hair. 😉 I texted my friends to let them know I was going to stay home in an effort to not get anyone else sick…I barely made it to 10pm, but I did wake up at 11:59pm and saw the clock turn to midnight. It felt like magic. The day after New Year’s Day, I took my Christmas tree and decorations down and ran my typical weekend errands to prepare for returning to work the next day. Overall, I’d say the holiday season this year held more peace and less anxiety, a lot more laughs and fewer tears, and all around a lot more love.